December 2019 will go down in history as the fateful month when theater was found bludgeoned to death, its shimmery innards spilling out in streams of gold. The killer, authorities discovered promptly, was one Tom Hooper, a lackey for Universal Studios. The victim’s bloodstains spelled one word — “Cats.” It was a thorough massacre, plotted over years of production and funded with $95 million.
The problem is not that “Cats” makes no sense (a plot has been strung together from the incomprehensible stage production) nor that the performances are mediocre (most of them are quite good).
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